It is setting in. No matter what I do he isn't coming back. I weep as I declare my faith and confess my love for God. It is an act of submission - I have to die to my anger. I fight it. I wrestle it. I am not lifeless now as I have been. Now the intensity of the emotion escalates. This is where I get to see what I am made of.
This truly hurts!
It is more than that too. I have to be here for my family. Most of the time I can be - it is in the times I am lowest that I let them down. How do I juggle my own grief and the grief of those I love? I don't have that answer now.
My wife is so awesome. Thank you Jen. I know you are sacrificing too.
Man, this inhales violently!
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Our Little Bear
Let's start off with what I see through these lenses and go from there. I know God has something to say I just have no idea what it is until He says it. PLEASE Lord, use me for your will and not mine; at your pleasure and not my own.
Carter
Our Little Bear
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- Jon
- In August of 2007 we lost our son to an unknown infection and are trying to grieve righteously and publicly to honor our Creator who holds our little guy in his lap as you read this. I hope that God is glorified in this and that others will see Christ reflected here.
3 comments:
Don't forget how angry God was at times in Scripture. And being his image bearers...there isn't an emotion that doesn't come from Him. You are right to feel angry. I would too. I can't feel what you feel...but my heart is with you Jon. Your blog has inspired me to write a song. It doesn't have music yet...but you can let me know if you'd like a copy of the lyrics. Life is full of pain and left turns. The important thing to the believer is God's promise that he is always 'for us' and never 'against' us. In that light I know you and Jen are weathering this tempestuous time in your lives.
I love you...
Monty
What I struggle with though is righteous anger. Jesus was angry when he tossed the tables in the temple but that was righteous. I know it is part of the process. I know it is normal. I'll blog here in just a second re: this weekend.
Thanks Mo. I love you too.
I would be honored to hear it when you are ready to share it.
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