Ownership

I have been doing better with all of this.
Not perfect, not over it, but better.

I was praying earlier this week and shared it with Jen and she said i needed to blog this.

I had joy as I was praising God for allowing me to be Carter's father for the time he was on earth. I told him it was an honor and thanked Him for letting Jen and I parent him while he was here. My perspective has had to shift - and I may have mentioned this before so I apologize for any duplication - it moved from that Carter was mine to that he (and all of my family) are God's and I am merely a trustee caring for them.

It is right for me to be protective and to make attachments in love with them but I have to remember that they are not mine. They are, have always been, and shall remain God's property. In that, He may use them as He wishes, and direct them to wherever He wishes - to include calling them home.

I still ask Him if I let Him down - it used to be if I let Carter down - but it has gone to asking God if I have let Him down in how I was a trustee over Carter. Could I have done something better? Should I have known that the blue dots were bad? Should i have looked differently at the evidence given me that Tuesday night?

And it comes back to... "Jon, Carter was meant to be in your family. He was also meant to come back to me when he did. He is with me now and can't take his eyes off of me."

That sounds about right.

I think there is another soul that God has planned for my family but I won't count on it as they, too, will be God's and not my own. My hope shall be focused on Him. That really makes a difference. I am amazed at how He never lets me down. His wisdom is unsearchable. I guess that is why Carter can't take his eyes off of Him. You go buddy. Learn all you can. You only have an eternity to do it in.

I'll see you soon.